What Scares You Most?

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“So, when are you going to show yourself to the world?”

“Being able to get clear on exactly what you are scared of is the first step to shifting the fear.”

One of the many reasons people come for coaching is that they want to change ‘something’ about how they are living life. From relationships, to career, to wellbeing, to accomplishing goals, to letting go of limiting beliefs.

But even though we may want change, it does not mean that we are not scared of change.

I was speaking with a client recently about her apprehension to ‘show herself’ as she called it. She is a woman who has left the corporate world to pursue her dream of becoming a freelance consultant. She had left a job she was very successful in, but she wanted a change. She wanted more, and she felt being her own boss was the way to grow as a person – offering her own services excited her.

She had everything in order. Her business cards, her website, her first social posts, she was ready in every practical way, but she was stalling when it came to making her website live. Her fear of the change she had worked for was apparent, and she was apprehensive about taking the next action.

I asked her about this: “How will anyone know what you are doing if you don’t share what you are doing?”

She laughed. “I’m scared”, she replied.

“Of course you are scared; this is what change feels like, but do you know exactly what you are scared of?”, I asked.  

“This seems real now.  As soon as the website goes live, I am out there. I can fail.  I can be judged.”

We spoke about judgement: that she will be judged, that that’s what humans do to each other, but that she needed to be discerning about the people she listened to and the judgements she took on.

“What was the biggest change you have gone through in your life?”, I enquired.

“Moving from Germany and setting up life here, as a single woman with no connections.”

“That is an immense change; what inner qualities did you harness to get through that change?”, I asked.

She took a moment. “I had faith, perseverance and connection.  I kept connecting with people. Anywhere I was; at the local shop, the post office, the swimming pool. I threw myself into making my relocation work. I was terribly focused.”

“So, you persevere, you are focused and you make connections with people; you also have faith. Would a woman who possesses these qualities make her website live?”, I queried.

“100 percent”, she chuckled.

My next question was simple: “So, when are you going to show yourself to the world?”

When we are about to take on anything new, we have fear.  We want change, and yet it petrifies us at the same time. Yet we have all been through change before, and we harnessed aspects of ourselves to navigate and embrace the change.  

Being able to get clear on exactly what you are scared of is the first step to shifting the fear. The next step is remembering how you have navigated change before, because cultivating self-awareness about how you deal with change will transform your life.


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